Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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