New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
God, I missed his penis.
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