Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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