Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
