Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
