My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
