That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
