We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
