Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
