At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
