It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
