dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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