At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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