I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
