when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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