i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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