He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
