my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
