I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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