were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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