I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
