oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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