yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
