I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
