She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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