As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
God gave him joint rollers for hands
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
