Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
