Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
