you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pants are for mortals
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
