Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
