We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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