he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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