I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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