I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if only i could text you this smell
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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