we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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