If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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