Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
