You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
