You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
