what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
