I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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