Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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