I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
