I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
