Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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