walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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