He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
