need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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