ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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