just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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