Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
nutella sex= disaster
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
