How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
