this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
