Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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