That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
